Trade was the name given to the event at the Eagle a few weekends ago that I attended. At the Eagle, the main floor with its attached backroom was being renovated and so the bar got special city permission to allow for sex to happen any and every where in the bar. I went up the steps to the second floor, turned into the entrance and the first thing I saw was a buddy of mine giving head to a happy customer right next to the line-up of men waiting to be served their drinks from the hirsute bartender. Later, when my buddy was freed of the cock-sucking task, I went over and gave him a big bear hug and a kiss on the lips. “Damn buddy, I can taste cock on your lips!” I told him, to which he whooped “Right on!” and we hugged again.
I was to meet another buddy there that night, Ken, and he showed up shortly after I did. The bar and its adjacent patio were packed to the rafters. In the dark bar, men danced, though there was no dancefloor, and released their cocks from their pants. At one point, while chatting with Ken, a handsome stranger undid my fly and kindly blew me for a bit while I chugged my pint. It was a heady mix of sexually potent stimulation – the loud music, the smell of sweat and leather, the laughter, the cigarette smoke on the patio. I was horny, slightly overwhelmed (so many men, so little time!) and getting buzzed from my beer.
But I stayed only about an hour and a half and then went home.
Why is the world would I leave, you ask? I felt bad leaving so early as my friend Ken must have felt ditched. Or maybe not – he had arrived with another friend in tow and he knew half the room. But I had to go home. I had to be alone. To masturbate.
The title of this blog is “Hunting for Sex”, but if you’ve read much of it, you’ll notice my penchant for masturbation. Between the choice of sex with others and sex with myself, sex with myself often wins out. And this can be a hard concept for many people to wrap their heads around. But one place where men really do understand is on BateWorld.com.
BateWorld.com is a website devoted to male masturbation. The site prohibits pictures or videos of anal or oral sex. The devotees to masturbation on the site have turned jacking off into an art form. We’re not generally talking about the quick wank in the shower before work in the morning. We’re talking about men who bate (masturbate) for hours (“edging”), becoming one with their cocks to the point of “gooning” (that point in the bate where you are so connected to your cock that you are all but babbling and drooling).
The notion of solosexuality is one that is discussed on blogs and polls and forums on the site. It’s as if a variant of gay sexuality has come to light – gay men who get off on men (though straight men populate the site too), but prefer to get off alone, using porn, poppers and whatever other accoutrements they like (or conversely, use tantric practices to heighten the experience). Like in any community that tries to define itself, there is contention about what a true “solosexual” is. Is it someone who never ever has sex with others? Can you define yourself as solosexual if bating is your true sexual passion, though you do bate with others or, furthermore, engage in penetrative sex sometimes too?
When I bate, it’s an event that lasts hours, involving some and sometimes all of the following: Dancing in the mirror in fetish wear to Pearl Jam and Rob Zombie playing on Youtube; smoking; drinking my beloved Jack Daniels; porn (lots!); piss play by myself; playing with loads of cum that I’ve saved all week for the weekend bate; poppers; and so on. What happens is that I reach a transcendental place where my whole body is cock, my whole brain is sex. It’s both joyous and sometimes frightening. Members on BateWorld.com talk about falling into the “batehole” where you get so into the trance-like nature of the event that you wonder if you’ll be able to come back to the real world. While some bators (masturbators) get to this state of ecstasy while bating with other men in real time or on cam, for now, my preference is to do it alone so that I can fully experience my sensations without worrying about pleasing anybody but myself (how selfish!). I have no intention of giving up sex with others, but with the intensity that my bates provide, is it any wonder that I put bating first in my sexual pecking order?
True bators speak a whole language unto themselves, and I’m hell-bent on learning and exploring this. So this will likely be my last essay for this blog for a while, as my intention is to, if I can, write a book about masturbation, solosexuality, and the culture that has arisen from it. I will always keep an eye on this blog, and I certainly hope you won’t stop writing to me and telling me about your sexual journey – I live for that! Once I get that book out of my system, I know I’ll be back – exploring, wishing to dialogue with you, learning, sharing. If you read this and identify as a bator, I hope you’ll write to me and tell me all about it! But most of all, thank you for reading me for the year that this blog has been around.
I love you guys.